Ink & Embers

Writing about writing

I have always loved writing, and telling the stories I had in my head, so English class in high school was pretty fun for me. Well when we got to creative free writing anyway. And I will never forget the gripping horror/suspense story I wrote. I think I will try to recreate it soon and post it for y’all, ok? Cool!

But the main reason I wanted to pop on here was to kind of explain what writing feels like to me. So, not a long post today, but a meaningful one at the very least!

Everyone has that inner monologue (at least I hope I’m not the only one…am I?). Anyway, that you that only you can hear on your mind, that “voice” that allows you to think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Well let’s just say I have a love hate relationship with mine, because sometimes during life’s downs, you just want it to shut up and be silent for a moment, but of course, us women can’t turn our minds off like our male counterparts. (I swear meditation would be a breeze!)

Now, while yes I’ve always loved writing, I also have always loved video games. And mainly because it’s a way to be creative. I have this game that I have always loved and it will be forever my favorite, it’s called Fallout 3. But it is an open world game, meaning you can run around anywhere, explore just about any house you see, climb over almost any hill you see. It’s based in the future after a nuclear bomb catastrophe, so it is post apocalyptic. Well I love the feel of that game, the writers did wonderfully with the individual stories of characters. But to me, (since your character has no voice actor) it’s so easy to imagine the way your they speak, or sound, and kind of give them their own identity, and put yourself into the world. I always get a house, I go out and find the dog, and I really just love to immerse myself in it all.

Now that might sound a bit crazy, and maybe it is but, I love the ability to imagine in that way, and I’ve done that in any game I play, which is why I love gaming.

But I tell you that because one of my books I started, and also the story horror/suspense story I wrote, were heavily inspired by another game that I love called Skyrim. These types of games are a great inspiration for writing, and finding new worlds to play in and really build your stories around what you’ve seen and heard in the game worlds.

But onto a more serious note.

Writing is also a way for me to say what I need to without the interruption of someone else. It’s how I’m able to say the right words when I can’t think of them off the top of my head. Migraines will do that to you, words tend to get lost or disappear when you’re about to say them.

So being able to write gives me so much more freedom to express myself without me messing it up, or someone else stopping me because they don’t want to hear. My internal voice seems so much more sophisticated and is definitely more of a gives no shits kinda woman, and I love that.

If I only had the confidence to speak with that voice instead of the one that I actually have! Haha

But in all seriousness, writing is therapeutic to me, and the book I’m currently writing is the biggest of therapeutics for me. It’s all about my life, the past experiences I had being neglected as a young child, being mentally abused as up until I was an adult and moved out, and the horrible circumstances I encountered in relationships. It covers all the major things in my past. I’m writing it to be in a different time and universe, so to speak, and the reasoning for that, is I want to give myself the ability to add creativity to my traumas, and I feel that will help me tell my story, while also allowing for a more interesting and easier read.

To all of you readers, whether you like to write or not, I hope this was a look into the creative side of writing. I’m thankful to be able to share these things with all of you, and I hope you can also let your creativity grow, no matter how you do it.

Have a lovely rest of your day my friend!

My first apartment & how I thought my downstairs neighbor died!

I was 19, and after moving out of my parents just to be kicked out (a story for another time, that one is crazy, let me tell ya) and having to move back in with my parents overnight, and having two apartments taken out from under me, I finally found a place in the town over! It was in the paper, $450 a month. I called and the woman said “ yes it’s available but if it’s just you, I do have the space above it for rent too and it’s only $350 a month, everything included.” That was a steal! I jumped on it and met up with her the next day. It was a small attic space but it had a full kitchen and bathroom and the tiniest space ever that I turned into a “bedroom”. And I mean literally, a full mattress fit very snuggly in the retouching 3 of 4 walls.

I was ecstatic!

This dirty little place was all mine. Packing all my stuff up 20 stairs was no fun, but I lived there for 5 years before needing to pack it all back out!

A glance at the apartment the day of moving in

“Bedroom” before I took my old twin mattress out

Now this house is right on one of the busiest intersections of that town. I saw my fair share of accidents, police pullovers, a drug bust a crossed the street, and many drunk walking home yelling or singing in the middle of the night. But being right on the main drag, it was also very easy to know where I lived, so I also had a couple stalkers… also a story for another time. (I know… the suspense right? Haha)

Now to the story you came for, but first let me show you the layout so you can get a visual!

My door was at the top of the long wooden stair case on the left. Bedroom window top center. My old car behind the dumpster. Neighbors car on the right.

Alright so not that you have the jist of the layout, I can continue.

For a few days when I would get home I would notice a rotten meat smell (you can see where this is going).

I checked my fridge and threw out all the meat, but I kept smelling it off and on, and I could smell it outside too, so I thought,

“ Well it must be the dumpster.”

I walked buy it a couple times a day to get to and from my car.

Well here comes the weekend and I wake up the smell being absolutely horrid. I came to the realization that this smell was coming from the house. It was the worst in my small bedroom space, which in that picture above, is right above the house’s entryway.

Let me also note here that I could hear just about everything up there, I knew when the neighbor was home, when he left, and I could hear his bouts of anger tantrums. (Throwing things, yelling, slamming doors. It happens often.

And this guy hadn’t left or made a sound in over a week.

So putting two and two together, I immediately assumed that what I was smelling must be his dead body. I called my mom to ask her opinion. She asked if I had knocked on his door. Well my answer to that was a NO. That guy seemed very unstable and not exactly the type of person I want to go check on. But I walked down my steps, across the front of the house with my head down, anxiety ridden, and I walk down the heavily overgrown drive up to the side door. (This was his main door.)

I knocked…

Nothing happened.

I knocked again way louder this time… nothing.

And I did again as loudly as possible.

Not a single sound.

I call my mom back and told her and she gave me the number to the police station where I could make a phone call to have someone go check on the guy.

So I call, my voice shaking uncontrollably, I apologized to the woman on the other end as I explained the situation. She said, it’s ok, I’m sending two offices over and they will check it out, everything will be alright. She asked if I was ok, I said yes, I don’t know why I’m so shaky.

She assured me it was a normal response given what was going on.

Well about 10 minutes later I hear banging in the door down stairs. I get a call back from the lady I spoke with and she said one of the officers wants me to come down and talk. I run down the steps, I’m greeted by a very nice man, who said I’m sorry but, things don’t seem too well. He brought me up to the front where he showed me the front windows.

Now remember I said I had my head down? Well if I had looked up I’d have seen the horror I was now looking at.

Hundreds… and I mean literal hundreds of flies, completely covering the windows….

I felt sick.

All I could think was, “I’ve been breathing in this mans dead body for days”…

And it was the middle of summer so the stench on top of the heat and humidity, I was literally nauseated all day with bad headaches.

The officers went in the house, looked around and came up to my apartment to tell me that thankfully no one was dead!

The guy was out of town and their freezer full of meat (directly below my bedroom) went out. So yes I was smelling death but not my neighbor!

Phew! Right?!

Well let’s just say, that smell didn’t leave for about a month. The guy and a buddy came back, emptied the house of the freezer and meat, but I know for certain that they used airwick Hawaiian breeze air freshener to try and cover the scent. Let me tell you that every. Single. Time. That I smell that scent, I want to vomit.

So good note, no one died! But that was for sure an experience I will never forget!

If you guys have any crazy first apartment stories to share, I’d love to hear them!

Can’t you tell that I’m stressed?

Can’t you tell that I am stressed?

I smile when I see you

I laugh at your silly stories

Can’t you tell that I’m stressed?

Someone was rude and you’re upset

I give you a hug and words of encouragement

But can’t you tell that I’m upset too?

My mind wanders, and yet is seemingly filled with nothing

Everyone is staring, I feel their judgements

But can they see that I struggle?

No of course not. How could they?

They don’t know anything is wrong until I snap under the weight of everything I’ve held in.

No one notices the warning signs, the grinding of teeth in the night, the excruciating headaches, the tightness of muscles, the clenching of the jaw during the day, the picking of the cuticles, the forgetfulness, the brain fog.

No one notices because I’ve hid it so well, hid it all so that I didn’t burden anyone with my problems, so that I could help them with theirs.

Can’t you tell that I’m stressed?

I wrote this as a reminder to myself and to you that you are not alone. And if you know the warning signs of stress in yourself, take the time to relax yourself a little. Sit and breathe a moment, it’s ok to feel upset, sad, stressed or just not ok. It’s natural, but in order to relieve that pressure you need to take the time to relax, and breathe. Do things that comfort you, whether that’s sipping on a warm drink, watching your favorite show or movie, listening to music, just do it. And remember the things that make you smile, and give you warmth.

Today is my birthday and I want to share with you!

February 21st is the day, and it’s my birthday, I happen to share this birthday with my grandpa, and also Steve Irwin! I may have just found that information out today but it doesn’t make it any less awesome!

So since today is my birthday, I wanted to share some things in my life that I love and that I’m thankful for. The top of that list is of course my two children, my 3 1/2 year old son, and my 6month old baby girl. They are the energy of my life and I wouldn’t be complete without them.

I’m thankful to have my animals, and the joy they give me everyday.

I am thankful that this birthday I only have a cold, because last year for my birthday I had horrible morning sickness and a dislocated elbow!

I’m thankful for the family and friends I have to support me, they may not be many but they are genuine, and that is what counts.

I am extremely thankful to be able to stay at home to raise my two babies and be the mother that they need and deserve, to be here to teach them but most of all to love them.

I love my family, and food, and coffee. I love art, poetry, writing, and pottery. I love movies, video games, and music.

I love to draw, I love to write, I love to sing, I love to eat good food, drink hot coffee and cuddle my babies.

I love and am thankful for the wonderful memories I have of my cousin and I spending late nights talking and watching scary movies we rented from the local movie store. And the long bike rides going nowhere.

Spending my birthday reflecting on all the good I’ve had in my life, it’s a comforting feeling. Warm memories to warm the heart.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Tuesday, don’t forget to sit and remember all things good in life.

Becoming a mother &how it’s changed my life

I some times think back to before I was a mother and I just can’t help but wonder who that person was. Because she feels like a stranger I met in passing. The choices she made seem like they were not of my choosing, the friends she had aren’t they company I keep now, and the thoughts she had are foreign in my mind.

Having my children has changed me into the type of person I wanted to be. I always knew I wanted children and now that I do I can’t imagine myself without them. Who I would be, I don’t even want to know.

There’s nothing better than holding your new born baby, hearing their sweet voices, and the way they just snuggle up in your arms. Or when your toddlers face just lights up when they see you after they’ve been at school. The huge smiles that your babies give you is the purest joy and love in the world.

Before my first baby was born I remember having this feeling of disconnect… and I feel guilty now about that feeling. I don’t know how I could have ever felt that way, but I did. I don’t know why I did but I didn’t feel any loving feeling for the life growing in me. But right when I had him, I immediately would have done anything and everything for him. He became my whole heart, my love, my life, my happiness, my everything. I’m sure hormones played a huge role in all of my feelings but let me tell you that becoming a mother changes you in wonderful ways. Your children are an extension of you, and you need them just as much as they need you.

I hear stories of horrible things that mothers have done to their children or even other children and I can’t wrap my head around it, I cannot comprehend how someone could do such things. Even in my life, my own mother did terrible things, and with the neglect from her, I was close to death, and would have for sure died had my brother not cared for me. Our baby sister was taken from her life too soon because of neglect that lead to abuse. But thankfully our father was finally able to get us out of her care and into a loving home with him.

After experiencing what it’s like to become a mother, I will never understand her actions, her neglect, and her lack of love for her 4 young children. Something must be wrong with her brain to have been capable of such things.

All I know is how immensely I love my babies, and they will never lack for love. My life would be meaningless without them, my heart incomplete.

Motherhood may be difficult at times, but loving your children is not. Showing them how much you love them and care for them is the core to them becoming a wonderful person later in life, there is no such thing as showing your babies “too much love”.

When your baby cries, hold them. When your toddler cries, hold them, ask them what’s wrong, hug them. When your child cries, hug them, listen to them. You can’t “spoil” your children by showing them how much they matter.

Not showing enough will have very negative consequences.

Tips and tricks while living poor!

I am poor. I am not going to say that I am ashamed or that I want pity, because I’m not, and I don’t. There were and are many different factors that have played their parts in causing me to have little to no money. Life happens, and it is not always within the realm of your control. In my case physical medical issues have played a massive role in limiting my funds. I had to quit working full time and medical bills on top of my new car payment at the time and I was newly moved out into my own place. All of those things combined, drained me of all of my savings… I was pretty proud of my savings account. At that time in my life I was extremely comfortable and had over $15,000 saved back. I planned on buying a house when I found one I loved.

But life had other plans for me. My full time job was cut to only 5 hours a day because my hip pain was so severe I could hardly walk (and I only made minimum wage which was $10.50 an hour then, and I never made more than $13.). I was 20 years old at the time. And my job was and always had been a job where you were on your feet all day every day. That type of work showed no mercy for my pain.

I spent thousands trying to get help, only to be told (by a sports medicine specialist) that he couldn’t help me. I went on limping for over a year more thinking “this is my life now”. Well I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I found a different doctor who said it was a simple surgery needed and it could be fixed no problem.

Well all this time I was spending more on bills than I was making and my funds were declining quickly.

After my surgery on my hip I had to spend extra on a device that I had to use to keep my hip moving, and couldn’t work for over 2 months. Even when I went back, I was still only on part time because it could take a year or so to be back to 100%.

At the end of that same year I found out I was pregnant with my son! Needless to say, I never did go back to working full time. And while that was the best thing for me and my son, it was not the best thing for my money situation. In just a few years I ran completely (and I mean completely) out of money twice. I was so poor at times that I was digging through my car and corners of the apartment for enough change to buy eggs. (Eggs were .99-$1.99 then).

I tell you all of this because I want you to know that, yes, I do know what it is actually like to be poor. I am not just giving you a random list of things to do or implement into life that I haven’t tried and done myself!

So on that note, let’s dive right into the things that I have done and still do to save money while also being a mother of two young children!

Dryer balls. This may sound simple but I use dryer balls now instead of using dryer sheets. And while I honestly miss the smell of a dryer sheet, this will save you paying a few unnecessary dollars. You pay once for the wool balls and throw them in the dryer, and then forget that they are even in there!
Menstrual cup (if you have periods of course) I’ve been using a period cup for years now and it has saved me from buying a $7 box (or more) of tampons for a heavy period. Period underwear are an alternative if you don’t like the cup! I used the underwear for postpartum and postpartum periods until my period cup was able to be used again. But highly recommend!! And the cups can last 5+ years, think of all that money you’ll be saving!
Washable swiffer pads: I got mine from Grove but any would probably work. My next thing to buy is a refillable swiffer bottle!
Make your coffee at home, and if you have some left in the pot, save it for tomorrow! Just think, sometimes you can buy a fairly big tub of ground coffee for like $10 and it lasts for quite a while, and if you compare that to buying a $5 dollar coffee every day… we’ll you can see that it is way cheaper from home in the long run. Now I’m not saying you can’t treat yourself, it just be mindful and use moderation.
Powdered laundry detergent: it lasts longer, smells better, and works better too in my opinion. Plus most come in cardboard boxes which recycle better! Win, win.
Powdered dishwasher detergent: for the same reasons as listed below but also, if you have an older dishwasher like mine, you for sure don’t want to use pods as the lining can get lodged in places as cause issues (take it from experience.)
Clean with vinegar: now I don’t clean everything with vinegar but, that being said, it is a very powerful odor eliminator and I use it to clean our Guinea pig cage (which smells….bad, Guinea pigs stink) When cleaning in the house though you can add some lemon to make it smell nice and citrusy! Use essential oils or after using a lemon, just drop the peels in the vinegar and water mixture in your spray bottle and viola!
This is pretty obvious but watch prices of items you buy, most price tags will have somewhere in small print a spot that tells you the price per ounce, so compare your tags! Sometimes smaller cans of food are cheaper per oz than the big can or vice versa!
Eat your leftovers!
Get a few chickens: chickens lay eggs obviously, so they feed you, and you can throw them your scraps and they in turn leave wonderful fertilizer in your yard that you can also put in your garden! And the 50lb bag of feed lasts about 2 months or so and it’s only around $25.
Use rain water for your outdoor plants when you can, and even fill your chicken water with the rain runoff!
As my father would say “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” in other words, don’t replace something if it’s still working. I know that I’d love nothing more than to get rid of my kitchen cups and plates to have more aesthetic, but I’m poor and I can’t afford that luxury!
If you have children, try to get clothes from others who have kids that have just grown out of their clothes. It helps a ton to get nice hand-me-downs.
Washable diapers: yes it sounds daunting and maybe gross but honestly it’s not, I personally never found ones that worked great for us but I know they can! Also potty training of course will get rid of your diaper bill!!
Yard sales and thrift stores: both are wonderful ways to find things for cheap, and you can even repaint or stain furniture to make it your own, and there’s always a plethora of kid and baby things like bouncers, swings, and toys!
Run that dishwasher! Your dishwasher (especially newer ones) will use less water to clean your dishes than you doing it by hand.

So basically, use things that can be washed and reused, keep clean spaces, as it will be easier to maintain and use less cleaning products, and use concentrated cleaners when possible! And as a side note, using Dawn dish soap original, is by far the most effective soap that I’ve used on dishes!

I hope my tips here were helpful to you! Stay happy, and healthy, and save that money!

How we got our rescue Bunny and Guinea pigs

So this is the story of how we got our bunny named Rupert. And also how we later obtained two homeless Guinea pigs.

Beginning of April, 2022, I was coming home from work, (I worked closing shifts so I got home at around 8:15pm). I pull up to my driveway and I see a huge white rabbit! And when I say huge I mean she was the size of my cats! Of course she was afraid of me and ran under the other car in the driveway. Well the next morning I go out on my front porch to dump my used coffee grounds on my flower bed, and I see, not only the big white rabbit, but also an equally large black/grey rabbit. Stunning coat, I must say. But they both ran out from under the porch steps where they were huddling up to sleep.

After a while the black rabbit disappeared, moving on to another part of the neighborhood, and the white rabbit and a smaller white and black rabbit were in my yard every day, eating my flowers, and thoroughly fertilizing my lawn!

Then one afternoon I went out my back door to go to work (I would leave out the back door so that my son wouldn’t be as upset when I left), and at the end of the driveway was the cutest little lop ear rabbit! I actually was pretty close to him before he ran off so I got a picture!

The first time I saw our lop ear bunny. April 14th 2022

I showed everyone at work because I thought he was the cutest little thing! I even was bringing home produce scraps to feed the rabbits, I just enjoyed seeing them and wanted to keep them around. but I also just felt bad because these were obviously domestic rabbits, lop eared rabbits are no where near wild. So that only meant that someone decided they didn’t want them anymore and they let them out.

Well the next afternoon after my fiancé left, I got a knock on the door. I figured it was him but to my surprise it was one of the neighborhood girls holding a cloth storage tote. She asked if I lost a bunny, and I said no, as I peeked in the tote. And there he was. That sweet little lop ear bunny was hunch3 up in the bottom. I told her that I just saw him in the drive way! And she said that that’s where she found him too and that’s why she thought maybe we lost him.

When I said he wasn’t mine, I felt a bit sad. Thinking that this girl will probably take him and I’d never see him again. But she asked if I wanted him! I said yes!! Knowing full well that my fiancé would not be happy about it one bit. I reached in the tote and carefully grabbed him. He was so thin. You could feel every little bone in his body, and he didn’t even try to get away. I could tell he was scared, so I just held him snug, and walked very very slowly and gently as I gathered up a place to put him.

This was right after I picked him up from the tote the little girl had him in. April 15th 2022

I sent the picture above, to my fiancé (MF) and said something along the lines of a little girl just showed up and gave me that little bunny I showed you. I didn’t tell him that she asked if I wanted the bunny, I just left that part out haha!

Well when he got back home I was still holding the bunny since he was just starting to calm his breathing. And shockingly, MF gave him a pet, and said he was very cute.

I soon after put the bunny in a big plastic tub with a towel and tried to give him food and water. He was not interested in anything that first day, and he was breathing pretty fast, clearly in shock. We think the girl must have chased him until he couldn’t run anymore, he obviously wasn’t healthy with how thin he was.

April 15th 2022 First temporary living space with blanket over top for safety and security feelings.

I then rummaged through the closet in my sons room to get the old pop up play pen/crib, and I set it up for the bunny to stay in until I could think of better housing. MF wanted to put him outside and I said no it’s too cold and he’s scared and needs to get healthy. Well minutes later MF said “Rupert” from the other room. I just laughed and said “I thought you didn’t want him, and now you’re the one that is giving him a name huh?”

Well that night after moving him into the play pen, MF said we should let him out to run around and get more comfortable with us. So after I put our son to bed we let Rupert out. And the first thing he did was sniff around and find a spot behind some toys to stretch out and lay down.

We just watched him in awe of how cute he was. I had a rabbit when I was very young but she was only outside in a big hutch that had spiders and you had to crawl into. None of my family knew how to care for a rabbit and our dog (an Alaskan malamute/wolf) wanted to eat her… so my parents rehomed our BunBun, and I hope she had a much better life. But we had never seen a lop ear, and never really experienced how much fun rabbits were. We were worse than kids in a candy store, we just watched him for hours with huge smiles on our face. Every time he stopped to clean his ears we ohhh’d and awwww’d, because he was just the most adorable thing we’d ever seen.

We were letting him out every night that first week but after a bit he wouldn’t let us catch him to put him up. I was up until 2am one night trying my best to wrangle Rupert so I could go to bed. After many failed attempts I managed to get him into a box and out him back. But trust me when I tell you, bunnies are very smart. He remembered every tactic I had used before and knew how to get away before I could grab him.

So after that I decided to give him a house upgrade to something more permanent and something that he could freely run in and out of.

I turned our coffee table into a bunny cage with a few diys.

DIY bunny cage from metal framed coffee table and mesh netting.

My coffee table is just a metal frame with a sheet of glass that rests in the top. So I removed the top glass, wrapped mesh netting around the bottom and sides and secured the mesh to the table with zip ties.

As for his litter box I used one of the two pans from our cats sifting litter trays and fill it with compressed pine pellets. (We use the same litter for our cats as well and it works great for everyone and smells nice as well. All natural too so can be composted! I buy mine off of chewy.com

This set up was great! I added some extra security to it so that he couldn’t jump out when we were asleep and also so our cats didn’t jump in. I had an old crib that was given to us that we never used so I put the railings in the front and one over top like a “lid” and then one on the side to hold the “door” (the glass top to one of the matching end tables. And when we let Rupert out we just slid that side glass pane out and he had free roam of the house and I could close it back up when he went back in.

Now for the Guinea pigs. A friend of mine was up hiking in the woods. And mind you we live in eastern Oregon, Guinea pigs are nowhere near native here. I honestly don’t know how they survived or how long they survived. But one of her dogs actually found them in a wood pile of some sort. She was snap chatting me when she was on the hunt to catch them. And eventually she did just that. She caught two Guinea’s and had a back pack that she put them in for transport out. She kept them at her house for a day or so and said she didn’t know what to do now. I gave her some bedding we had and some hay pellets.

Little did I know that we’d be getting them the next day after MF said he had Guinea pigs and he’d like to have some again.

So the piggies were brought to us, (mind you, I just had my second baby just about 3 weeks beforehand) and I set their little crate on top of Rupert’s pen to see how things went. They could see and smell each other. And to my surprise I opened the piggies pen to clean and Rupert jumped right in. And for about a week him and our white and red piggy would give kisses through the bars.

First day with the guinea pigs Sept. 20th 2022

Rupert jumped in the Guinea pig cage to eat their food Sept. 20th 2022

Elora (white and red) & Willie Jack (red)

We decided that since they were getting along so well that we would introduce them into the same space. Knowing that Rupert’s set up would not work with two small piggies, our friend had given us a very very large metal dog crate that had no bottom. So we moved everyone, disassembled Rupert’s makeshift pen and set up the big cage. It definitely gave them more space, but Guinea pigs pee, a lot, and all over. So not having a bottom tray was just not working out…. They soaked through the layers of towel and cardboard in hours time. So I ordered cage liners which worked wonderfully until Rupert chewed a hole in one!

Now these Guinea pigs don’t like being pet, or picked up. And understandable so. They were dumped in the woods and Elora has some pretty big scars on her back from some point in her life. But when I tell you that she loves Rupert… she LOVES him. She is constantly trying to cuddle, and even though she’s a girl, she is also constantly humping the poor guy. Thankfully after Christmas this year I was able to buy them a nice hutch” and Rupert has his own room, and can lay with them when he wants or be alone, and can also free roam the house again!

Rupert and the Guinea pigs are happy healthy and loved and I am so happy I was able to be the forever home to these wonderful rescues! If anyone is interested in watching their journey and seeing updates on them please follow Rupert’s instagram account @rupert_the_holland_lop

We would love for you to join us!

~A & R

Potty training my 3 year old with communication delay

My son turned 3 this past July, he didn’t speak at all, and only now does he say a few choice words, his most common are saying what letters are, and counting.

But how do you potty train a child who doesn’t communicate that he has to go? Or doesn’t answer to, “do you need to potty?”.

Honestly it’s gone far better than I imagined! I noticed for 4 nights in a row that he woke up with a dry diaper, and would pee shortly after waking. That was my aha moment!

I immediately after that 4th dry night, decided to go full blown potty mode. Diapers? Gone. I did keep diapers at night just in case but that only was for 3 nights and then diapers were gone completely!

I understand that most children are not night time potty trained for a long while and we are just lucky that my son is! (3 1/2 weeks never wet the bed)

Now, tiny back track here, for months and months, every time my son had pooped, I would take him to the bathroom and show him that poop goes in the potty. So he eventually started to sometimes take me in there after he had gone. So we had potty and bathroom association for quite some time.

So here’s how I started.

As I stated before, diapers were gone. I only put them on for the first few nights just in case, and only once more when we went to a speech therapy appointment because it had only been about a week of potty training and that was our first out of the house time. And the appointments are an hour long, not to mention the 20 ish minutes to get there, and the 20 ish minutes to get back home, he did great by the way. Just potty before you leave, and then potty when you get home. (I asked if he needed to pee at the clinic but he spilled me to the door to leave. So no potty break in between.)

I was going to start with the whole 3 Day Potty Training method. The guidelines there said, first 3 days, no diaper and take your child to the potty every 15 minutes. The next several days, go commando, (pants with no undies), and then after that, you can put undies on them.

Well the timeline was not going to work with my son, so we did a full week of no diaper, and a full week of just pants.

Things tend to get messy let me just say that. Lots of little accidents, a few big ones. But thankfully only one poo on the couch (ew I know, but that’s what couch covers are for!!), and only 2 poos in the pants. But the pee accidents are a lot harder to clean up, especially when your child gets to the point where they wait and see how long they can hold it, then there’s a big ol’ puddle somewhere on the floor.

But that’s a wonderful sign!! You want them to do that, it lets their body realize how much it can hold and how long they can wait until their bladder is full. Instead of how it was in the beginning, my son was peeing every time he felt even the faintest hint of needing to pee.

W started out with the tiny toilet out in the living room, in front of the tv, so he could sit and watch his music and learning shows and be just entertained enough to sit in the potty and go.

It worked out great but it is small, so for boys, you really have to check and make sure they pee IN the potty!! (if you know what I mean)

I would just remind him and say do you need to potty? And he would run over sit down (no worrying about pants because he’s naked, just focus in using the potty first) and go, then he would see he went, close the lid and flush and then we would say “woo!! Great job peeing in the potty!” And give a big high five for praise!

But I knew he was pretty regular with his poos so around the same time every day I would take him to the big toilet, put on his seat and give him a book, or my phone to play with, and then I’d leave the room. Kids like to go in private. In fact my son will wave me out of the room most times and just sit and play on the phone until he is finished, and then (since he can’t talk yet) waddles down the hall with his pants down around his ankles and hands me the phone. We go check and see if he pooped or not, and if not, no biggie, we try again later!

I actually highly recommend the phone thing while on the potty, because then any time he needs to go, he can grab for the phone, and since it’s always on me, it’s just a perfect way for him to communicate that need until he finds his voice!

He has even gone back to school (we potty trained over Christmas break) and has not had an accident either! He is at school for 2 1/2 hours in the mornings and has been doing incredible, and in no small part to his wonderful teachers who work with us on his new skill!

We had two days, just after Christmas, where my son would pee EVERY time he was sitting on the couch…. That’s a lot of pee, so thankfully I had a spare cage liner from our rabbit/Guinea pig pen and it fit perfectly over my love seats cushions!

So during that second day of constant accidents, I brought out the potty watch I ordered forever ago. And I set the reminder at first to every hour. That was a little too long so I went to 30 minutes. Well at the end of the day, I had to set it to 15… but the potty watch was great! Until he realized he could turn off the alarm! Haha, smart kid

After those two crazy days, he has only had two very small accidents in a week! I am so incredibly proud of my son and this amazing accomplishment and I hope that if you are worried or struggling with potty training, that this post helps you.

I have a couple extra things I bought for the potty training process that may work for you, they just weren’t super helpful for us, but I’ll link them here and explain in short why we didn’t need them.

Toddler training underwear: They work fine as underwear! But in the beginning stages I do not recommend because they do absorb some pee, and your toddle won’t feel it, and therefore won’t get the hint that he needs to sit on the potty. (Smaller sizes)

Recordable buttons: These are wonderful! They should work for anyone who’s kiddo does just steal the button and run off with it and reset the recording! Haha, he didn’t use them for the intended purpose, but had I put them securely on the wall or something they would probably have worked better for us!

Happy potty training everyone, and the best of luck! Remember, the most I root at thing during all of this, is to stay calm on the outside, it needs to be kept light hearted and fun, not a demand, or a punishment. Make this a positive experience for your baby, they don’t understand what they need to do, and it’s a skill just like learning to walk. Time, patience and love, are the best ingredient for happiness.

A glance back…

I sit here, my 4 month old baby girl fast asleep, my 3 year old son running back and forth to the kitchen to put his hands in a bowl of water beads, and I’m thinking back on this past year.

Some really wonderful things happened, my daughter was born, my son had his 3rd birthday, we got a rabbit that I nursed back to health, and 2 Guinea pigs rescued from the woods, and I got a new car that can hold the whole family at the same time! Our Christmas was wonderful and, for the most part, peaceful. I became a stay at home mom too, and that was a major turning point to happiness for me.

And of all the wonderful things this year, I will not sugar coat it, and say that I haven’t had some very hard days, really difficult moments, and felt completely suffocated at times. I won’t say that everything is perfect, or that I don’t cry more often than one should, because things are never perfect, and I do cry. I get overwhelmed. I get stressed, anxious, and depressed. But I look at my children and I feel such a weight lifted. I give them an embrace and I feel at peace, I feel at home. I feel whole.

Love makes everything worthwhile, and it does not matter where that love comes from, love is stronger than hope, and much stronger than fear. My children are the source of my love, they make my heart beat with purpose, and with out them, I wouldn’t be the same person I am today, and I can’t even begin to imagine who she would be, or if I’d even like that version of me.

I don’t hardly do my makeup or my hair, I’m in sweats most days, showers tend to be far and few between, but I prefer that me. Because it is authentically me. I’m not covering up and putting on a facade, and I don’t like the thought of someone being something other than how they present themselves. I want honest, I want authentic, I want true, and I want to feel loved for that rather than feeling like I need to pretty myself up to go out in public. This year has changed me in many ways, the good, the bad, it has all shaped me to be who I am today. A better mother most of all, and that is all I can ever care about. My children deserve a mother that is true, and loves them more than her appearance.

The negative impacts from this year have only made me see more clearly, they are experiences that I now have knowledge of, and can better help my children steer away from when they are older, I’d like to say I’m wiser, but I’ll settle for just having the experiences, and I can pass on in words what I endured, and hope that my words are listened to.

Just because something bad happens my friend, it doesn’t mean that life is any lesser, any darker, or any less beautiful. You just need to choose to see the beautiful things around you, especially in your darkest moments.

I hope the new year gives you a sense of hopefulness, and excitement! I hope Mother Earth brings you happiness in many forms, and shines light and warmth on you in your times of need.

Happy new year

Birth story with my second child

You would think I would know a bit more about how it feels to go into labor, and when I should head for the hospital after my first baby. But let me tell you, I had no clue. With my son, I went to the hospital because my water broke, and then afterward I had contractions. But with my baby girl that was not the case, and we even had a false alarm trip to the hospital (which is now in the town over from us since we moved).

My son was two weeks early so I was thinking that my daughter might also be early. Everything I read or heard told me she would be since my first baby was. But she was just content to stay in there as long as she wanted! My daughter was born just 4 days before her due date, which was August 30th. (Born August 26th)

I was a bundle of nerves, I was anxious because I had rapid labor with my son (and with her) so I was so worried that I wouldn’t know the signs of labor in time and we wouldn’t make it. Second and subsequent babies come out faster, and if I already had a rapid first labor and delivery, then who’s to tell me I could make it the 20 minute drive to the hospital??

Well spoiler, I did make it! And my baby girl did decide to come out faster, so fast in fact that her whole face was bruised from her decent through the birth canal, and her head perfectly round! The nurse told me that she wished she could show people what the perfect head shape would be of newborns. What a great compliment, if I had any actual say in how my girl arrived, my body did all they work, not my brain. As a matter of fact, I don’t think my brain was even working during any of the delivery, I was in so much pain.

But let’s go back a ways, and start at the beginning. The false alarm.

I woke up at about 7:30am a week before my daughter was born, and the bed was wet. Now I didn’t wake my fiancé up because I had to make sure it wasn’t just me wetting the bed. So what I had been told, was if the liquid has no smell (ick, I know) then it’s most likely amniotic fluid. So I walked to the bathroom and did the check. No smell.

I had also heard that if it is your amniotic fluid, then you should be able to cough and more would come out. (Because you obviously can’t hold that in!)

Well I tried that too, I even hopped around a bit and nothing happened. So I was going to go back to bed. Well I walk back to the bed, to see my fiancés face staring at me wondering if I was ok.

I said “I don’t know but I feel fine”

But he convinced me we should at least call and see what they say at the hospital. They asked if I checked to see if it smelled, I told them no and that nothing else had leaked.

The lady on the other end told me to come up and get checked just in case. So I called my mom who rushed to us, I panicked and ran her through everything that my son needed for while I was gone, we got in the car and drove to the town over, which was about 20 minutes to the hospital.

We were taken to a room and I was hooked up to monitors, dressed in a hospital gown and tested.

We waited for the test to finish as we got to listen to our babies heartbeat and movement.

The results came back… I had indeed, peed myself.

I was embarrassed, and of course when I went in to work everyone had already heard I was up there and had to ask what happened. So I just had to laugh and say she is just kicking my bladder and I peed myself in my sleep.

Well the next week, I woke up at 6:45 am, feeling the urge to go to the bathroom, and I don’t mean pee. And once I got back in bed the cramping got worse, I tried moving and I even tried going to the bathroom again, as I still felt like I needed to go. I sat in there for a while, and started googling ‘do labor contractions feel like you have to poop’…

Well turns out yes they do. I went in the bedroom and quietly woke up my fiancé and told him what was going on, I was in quite a bit of pain, trying to get dressed. He asked if I was serious or if it was just another false alarm, I said

“No, these are contractions, we need to go.”

I called my mom who hurried over again, I was trying to walk her through the morning stuff again for my son and I had to keep stopping every few minutes to just bend over in pain. needless to say I didn’t fix my hair, or put on makeup like I had before my son was born, I was feeling the pains with this baby.

We threw the hospital bag in the car and off we went, the whole way after each contraction, I felt exhausted and like I had just ran, I couldn’t even talk during the contractions. And they were happening every 2-3 minutes.

We made it to the hospital and they brought me a wheel chair so that it didn’t have to walk anymore. I had to stop 3 times in the parking lot on my way to the doors. And since the hospital was technically not open yet, the “visitors” main elevator to the labor and deliver floor wasn’t on, so the nurse ran us down a couple halls to the service elevator.

We arrive on the labor and delivery floor, and we get to a room, all the while I keep doubling over with contractions. I change into the hospital gown, they have me sit back in the bed and check my dilation, and for the life of me I don’t remember what it was but I believe it was 5cm.

I told the nurse I needed to pee, and so they helped me stand up after I was hooked up to an IV.

The nurse said she wanted to get the IV in as soon as possible knowing my previous baby was a rapid labor and delivery.

She said “I don’t trust people like you!” And laughed as she hooked me up.

I stood up and my water broke. Not only did it slash on me off the laminate floor but it also got on my fiancé haha!

I waddled my way to the bathroom, leaking fluid the whole way. I sat down on the toilet, they left the door open in case I needed assistance getting up. And after sitting on the toilet for a while my doctor walks in and sits in the couch talking to the nurse asking questions. I said it felt like I really really needed to poo….. I asked if it was ok to if it happened. My doctor said if it comes out sure but absolutely no pushing.

“Do not have that baby on the toilet.”

Well I didn’t go but I also couldn’t get up. The nurse and my fiancé rush in to get me up and on the bed. Which honestly was such a feat! But I made it!

After laying down, the back labor began… and I don’t know if it was because I laid down or what but let me tell you…. It’s no joke. Back labor has to be the worst pain I have ever experienced, and I’ll be the first to admit, my whole life has revolved around pain.

They asked if I needed pain relief, I said yes but it was too late for an epidural, I had to wait for the anesthesiologist to come out of a cesarean surgery a few doors down.

He came in and apologized but said he could give me an injection that could potentially help.

Writhing in pain I agreed to everything he said without really listening if I’m honest. I couldn’t pay attention to anything but the pain in my spine. They man was extremely nice and gentle, and was as quick as he could be after they sat me up.

Unfortunately it didn’t work. He came in after the birth and asked if I was doing ok, and to see if it did help me or not. I said I didn’t think so, and with an apologetic look he said that sometimes, that close to delivery, they don’t help, but it could sometimes take the edge off. And then turns out we knew each other from my work! He asked where I worked and he said I knew I remembered you from somewhere, he took his mask down and I recognized him as well, and he just had welcomed their 4th baby about a month earlier!

Any way back to delivery, I actually yelled with this baby, I remember feeling embarrassed but the yelling seemed to help so I didn’t hold my breath as much pushing. And my little girl decided to enter this world with her arm against her face. So she gave me more of a struggle there!

She also descended so quickly that her entire face was bruised, as well as having what they called a stork bite. She still has it 4 months later, faded, but there. And a birth mark on the back of her head under her hair line. Part of the stork bite, but this one hasn’t faded at all. Such a unique girl and I love it!

My girl was born at 9:51am, 8lbs 4oz, and 21 inches long with the chubbiest of cheeks. (My son was never chubby anywhere on his body so this was new)

My doctor said I had some tearing, probably the same places as before, and she said, “I’m not surprised you tore, that’s a big ass baby!”

The nurse behind her said “ you can’t say that! Haha”

“Yes I can, it’s true!”

I just laughed, I was tired but so happy to have my girl in my arms. And what a funny thing to remember after such a painful experience. I think she knew I needed a laugh, and she delivered. (Haha, get it?)

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas time, and have a great new year, remember pain is temporary, and love will always make the pain lesser.