You don’t know me yet, so here is a word of warning.
I’ve been broken, more times than I care to count.
I’ve listened to harsh words, and I took them in, I let them stay.
I’ve been told I was worthless, and I believed it.
I’ve been through things that have crushed my spirit.
I allowed the abuses lain on me, because I thought I deserved them.
My dreams have been burned, my soul lost, and my heart strained and shattered.
A sea of monsters awaits you, if you dare.
And I hope you do.
The walls around me grow thicker by the day.
I fear that they will soon be too much.
I don’t wish to block out the world, but I can’t risk more pain.
So my dear future, I hope you find a way to navigate the obstacles before you, and find your way safely to the other side. It’s much calmer behind the trauma.
The following story is a real nightmare I had as a child. A nightmare that I remember vividly, even now as an adult. Perfect for the spooky Halloween season!!
The re-done artwork from the original sketch in my dream journal.
As I walked through the state park with my parents and older brother, I felt a sudden knot in my gut. Something was wrong.
The sun was setting behind the mountains.
Being at the base of the mountain line, it was getting dark fast. Underneath the massive pines, the sky grew dimmer, and more grey. The beautiful landscape, was washed of its color. The green of the grass seemed to be the last color to fade.
I looked nervously around us. I felt eyes watching me. My family didn’t feel the way I did, they just continued to chat and giggle amongst themselves.
As I turned my gaze behind us, I saw a face…emerging from one of the big pines. It’s face seemed to just pass through the bark of the tree, like pushing through sand. This being looked like a human, but it was wrong. Pale grey skin, hollow black eyes, deathly thin and no hair to be seen.
As I started to find the words to speak, more of them began to melt out of the trees from all around, looking directly at us.
The first one was mostly out of the tree now, all but his legs.
I touched my moms arm while still looking behind us, “we need to hide, now!” I said this quietly but with urgency.
My family finally saw was I was looking at. The car was too far away, we wouldn’t make it, and the beings were closing in on us.
I looked over to my right and saw a very very small camper. I pushed my family towards it. We piled in the small cramped space as quickly as possible and shut the door behind us.
Everyone was shaken and in bit of shock. No one said a word, but we all were thinking the same things. What did we just see? How do we escape?
The beings clawed and and banged on the walls trying their best to rip the camper open, as if we were a can of sardines waiting to be devoured.
I knew we needed to leave, and soon. I could see a few holes opening up in the ceiling. We didn’t have much time left. I stared at the faces of my family. I love them too much to watch them die, I had to do something.
I grabbed the handle to the camper door. My family looked at me in confusion and disbelief.
“They won’t stop. These walls won’t hold them off much longer, it’s now or never.”
They looked around at the holes forming in the walls. Tears were welling up in their eyes, and mine. I gave huge hugs to each of them.
“I am going to open the door and run. And I want all of you to run the other way and get to the car. I will draw them away so you can get out….I love you.”
I opened the door and I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I looked behind me to see my family running in the opposite direction, safely making their escape. A sense of relief washed over me, and my fear subsided.
All of the pale beings chased after me. There were so many…
I kept running, not knowing how long I could run, or how long it would be before they caught up to me.
I held myself together with hopes, dreams, and lies
For the sake of being loved
I tore myself apart again and again and again
For the sake of being loved
But the pieces of a puzzle don’t quite fit together if you place them in the wrong spots.
They are only meant to create one picture,
You.
I forgot what the image of my puzzle is supposed to be, but I have taken myself apart once again, and slowly but surely, each piece is finding its match.
I will put myself back together with patience, care, and love for the me I’m meant to be.
I will no longer smash pieces of myself together to create a blurry image for someone who won’t appreciate it.
I will no longer hide pieces of myself to seem simpler for someone who doesn’t understand.
I am complex with many pieces of me
And I would not be Me without every single piece.
It may take a long time, and that’s ok. But I will carefully put the pieces of my puzzle together
Instead of dumping that garbage and being your best.
Learn from the past and move on
But don’t ever forget the things that went wrong.
~A
This may sound a bit harsh. But the point is, you can absolutely forgive someone, IF YOU CHOOSE TO, but you should never FORGET what they may have done. If we forget the actions of another towards us, we will never find happiness. And that person will continue to do those things, because they know they can get away with it. The cycle continues and the actions get worse and more frequent. Learn from your experiences with others, don’t sweep them under the rug.
The following story is from my friend and fellow blogger CazzyCoop! She wrote this piece in response to my writing prompt post yesterday. Please enjoy, I know I did! Thank you Cazzy for allowing me to share your writing!
THE OLD SCHOOL HOUSE
The house is empty now, but it was not always so. This house has quite a history. The building began in 1645 and began its life as a finishing school for young women whose parents had enough money, social standing and influence to send them here. As I move through the house, I cannot help but have memories of times past. Old faces of colleagues and students, the things used to look, feel and smell.
I remember one colleague quite distinctly, she was a small woman with long brown hair and brown eyes, and she was one of the teachers and taught elocution in the upper house. All the girls liked her and she often invited them to her room for tea and crumpets, and had quite a rapport with them, that is not to say she was a pushover, and when they stepped out of line, she would admonish them and meter out any punishment necessary. I must say she was my favourite staff member. Other colleagues came and went, but she was the one constant over the years, and we became firm friends not just teacher and headmistress. Unfortunately, we lost her in a boating accident on the lake in the school grounds; she slipped getting out of the boat, banged her head and drowned. That was a sad day for all, I decided to send the girls home for a week both as a mark of respect and to give them and myself time to grieve in our own ways.
The school closed down due to lack of interest about fifty years later and as I move about the house, another memory from another time raises itself.
With the school closed, a lord from another part of England took it over as a normal house. He wanted for himself and his wife and a year later, she found she was with child. I watched over them as the pregnancy went on and on Christmas day the next year the child was born. For many years after that, there was laughter and happiness in the house as more children were born they grew into adults who married and had children of their own all of whom called the place home. Eventually they all moved on and the house once again fell quiet.
As I went up the stairs in the house another memory stirred, this time I remember the arrival of priests and nuns who made the house into a refuge for young men and women who had lost their way in life and wished to turn to god for the answers. During this time, I kept to the shadows as showing me would have probably scared them and they would have thought me a devil of some sort.
As the years went, by I kept a watch on the house and before long I found myself looking upon an empty shell once more.
During the war, it became a hospital for a contingent of wounded soldiers who were fighting for our country. I occasionally showed myself at this time but only to the critically wounded to help them pass more smoothly from this world into the next.
The house took a bit of damage during the war but still stood firm when years later a widower came to stay. I can still smell the pipe smoke rising to the ceiling and the wood burning in the open fire where he sat in his armchair with his faithful dog by his side. I often visited him and he seemed to cheer up when I was in the room, although the dog did not like me and always seemed to sense when I was present. Though the old man tried his best, the house fell into disrepair and started crumbling around him. He did not stay long in this world after that and I sat on his bed the night he died and helped him pass on.
As I take one last look around the house, I think of a memory only two weeks old. A young man came to visit. He looked quite official and carried a clipboard around with him. As he left, he got a sign from the back of the van he was driving and stood it in the garden. The sign stated that the house was unsafe and was to be demolished in two weeks. Therefore, I was the first to enter this house and will be the last to leave so giving a wave I vanished.
Today I woke up thinking that I wanted to start sharing some writing prompts with you. Whether you are a writer or not, I feel like this is something that could be fun for you (and for me, if you decide to share!)
And while I’ve been pondering this idea all day, it is only now, late at night, that I have decided to go for it. Two things happened to me here: first off, I heard a friend say she was struggling to find inspiration to write or draw (this is very common thing to happen for anyone) and second, I saw this…
Pinterest
It was clear to me, that this should be the first bit of inspiration for us!
Now, I want you to write something that is about this.
Write about the feeling it gave you when you read it.
Write about a real place you long for, or a place you have in your mind that may not exist anywhere else.
Write about a past life.
Maybe this longing is for a lost loved one, or a feeling that you e lost someone in a past life.
I don’t care how you write it. If it’s just a simple description to me of what you felt reading the definition of this word, if it’s a short story, if it’s a poem, or even a doodle. I don’t care, just do it!
And if you decide to share it with me, please do!!
If you share it with me and you’d like me to share your writings here on the blog, just say so I’m your email and I will do so! I’d like to start sharing some other peoples talents and get more eyes to see their work. (Sharing at all is completely optional, of course!)
Now get writing!
~A
To share your writings with me: email alliestargriffiths18@gmail.com
Or…
Link to your blog post in the comments and I will head on over to you and readit there!
The intense stare from down the crowded hall made me uncomfortable, but I knew I could lose myself in within the people.
Drinks poured, food consumed and laughter ensued. The thought of that girls face had all but vanished from my mind.
I walked to my hotel room, shared with others but I was alone. I needed to use the bathroom, and I needed to change. Liquid spilled on my chest was uncomfortable.
Walking from the bathroom I had already taken my tops off, not realizing that the door was glass.
….was it that way before? I guess I hadn’t noticed.
I grab a new bra from the bed and as I’m trying to put it on I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I look over to see that girls face in the glass of the door to my room. Staring, eyes wide with intent of coming in. I brush it off a bit as her being a peeping Tom. In my head I know this is weird, this feels…wrong. Something seems very off.
Her whole head turns side to side as she follows my movement’s around the room, her hands against the glass. Never blinking, and never taking hers eyes off of mine. The demonic grin that creeped on to her face, was the last straw. I didn’t want to let my eyes shut or wander from her, so instead of putting my shirt over my head, I tucked it under my arm and picked up my phone, dialing the number of a friend.
I was able to leave the room, her stare continuing down the hall as I walked away with my group. I asked who that girl was.
“Oh my….oh my god! They are looking for her right now, she just maimed several people… You must have been next…”
~A
This was an actual dream I had last night! I figure now that it’s becoming Spooky Season, I’d start sharing some of the nightmares I have or have had in the past.
I have had nightmares my whole life, and several years ago, when I lived alone, I started to write them down to help me fall back asleep after waking up scared. It helped. I have a few that were from childhood, but they are ingrained in my head so crisp and clear that I can recall them with great detail. I have one very special dream planned for Halloween that I hope you’ll enjoy!
False hopes and dreams fueled by romanticized lies
Tears have washed away the innocence of my mind
Creating a waterfall of chaos
Washing me down the rapids and thrown into the sea.
How can I survive?
How many times can one person be torn apart and broken before they can no longer mend?
How long before the monster inside breaks through the cage of composure?
Unleashed on the ones who are undeserving of its wrath.
Maybe it needs be released. Set free of its binds at just the right time
To bare its teeth at the one who caused it pain.
I still have hope that
Tomorrow is a better day.
~A
Everyone has low points in life, rough days and rougher nights. But there will always be a tomorrow.
No matter how hard things feel, they will always feel different the next day. Some things take longer to process, remember to breathe as many breaths as it takes to see clearer.
Here we are, our first Music Monday. And today, I am actually going to talk about some older music, the pillars of the modern day sounds that we hear today in pop, rock and even country.
I’m talking Sam Cooke, Elvis Presley, B.B King, Ella Fitzgerald, and Billie Holiday.
Sam Cooke
Known as the King of Soul and the “inventor” of soul music, he was one of the most influential singers of his time.
One of my favorite songs by him has to be Bring it on home to me.
It’s one of his more popular songs, and for good reason! Sam had a way of really integrating his emotions into his music and his vocals seemed so effortlessly smooth.
Elvis Presley
Everyone knows who Elvis was. The King of Rock.
Of course my favorite song by him is Can’t Help Falling in Love.
Recently I watched the new Elvis movie, and I actually really enjoyed it. The way it was produced reminded me of Moulin Rouge’s style. So if you’re not into the creative art style in movies like that, you may not enjoy it as much as I did.
Let me tell you though, of all the “impersonations” of Elvis that I have seen, the actor who portrayed him (Austin Butler) did an absolutely impeccable job. I know they mixed their vocals in some parts, but wow, color me impressed.
B.B King
Riley B. King, coined the King of Blues, but most notably known for his electric guitar solos! Playing blues turned into playing rock n roll, and his guitar playing became an inspiration to all of rock music.
And while I can’t think of a song off hand that I like specifically, I am more of a fan of his blues music from 1951!
He had a wider vocal range and even a wide genre as well! He was a multitalented musician and his way with music will forever ring through the generations.
Ella Fitzgerald
Oh the soothing and beautiful sound of Miss Ella Fitzgerald has surely been heard around the world.
She was named the First Lady of Song, and the Queen of Jazz!
She had a wide range of vocals, all while keeping a beautiful tone with incredible precision.
While I love her voice on it’s own, I must say, my favorite song has to be Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall, she sang this song with The Ink Spots (an honorable mention), and is a wonderful sound to my ears.
Billie Holiday
Another very unique voice of the time, Billie Holiday wasn’t given the title of Queen but I’d say she definitely deserved to be called that. Her voice and songs (in my opinion) are wonderful! Though she had a rough history, she never lost the talent she possessed to make great music!
My favorite song by her is actually a tie between Easy Living and Crazy He Calls Me, I love them both equally!
Extra credit on her because she always had her dog with her. Anyone that loves animals is high up on my list!
So this definitely isn’t everyone that should be on this list, but when I think of influencers of music from back in the day, these are the people that come to mind. Their music, their sound, their techniques, are all still heard today and to me that proves their incredible talents.
This post took me way longer to get finished than I intended. Next week I’ll have it ready at an acceptable time! (Sorry to my friends on the other side of the sea, this is a late Monday post!)
If you have any thoughts or want to share music with me please do!! I wanted to start this segment off with a longer “foundational” post, the others won’t be this way (probably), and I’ll just be covering one song at a time or one artist.
Ink & Embers 