I loved this post so much and I just had to jump in and write this. I was thoroughly inspired, thank you Cazzy.
Dear Santa,
I know I must be too old to send you my wishes, is there an age limit?
Anyway, here goes.
I’d like a new blanket, you know, the super soft cozy ones? Maybe a pair of socks, my toes are pretty chilly this time of year.
Oh, maybe a packet of hot cocoa, I know it’ll be cool by the time I’m able to drink it though, caring for my babies takes up most of my time, or I’m too busy playing with them that I forget I made a drink to begin with!
I’m sure you can’t do it, even if you could, I’d hate to put that much work on the elves, they are so busy making toys that I’m sure making me a new skeletal system would be too overwhelming.
I’d exchange that wish for a massage, but I don’t have the time, so maybe just a heat pad instead.
I’d also appreciate unlimited storage on my phone, if I don’t take pictures of my babies everyday I might forget this stage of their lives… that scares me.
Now Santa, I have two last wishes that I know will be incredibly difficult, but I will ask anyway in the hopes that I have a sliver of a chance here.
A new house for the kids and I. One that isn’t falling apart and leaking. With plenty of space to run and play, a safe place where they feel happy, a place to call home.
And my last wish… to be rid of the toxicity that has crushed my heart. To replace that with someone who will love and respect us for who we are without a price.
If you can’t do that, I understand. It’s a tall order, but I will gladly accept a sweet puppy instead.
With Christmas just around the corner, and Yule, the Winter Solstice, and Hanukkah coming to a close, I’ve been thinking about family traditions.
I want to know what all of you do for the Holidays!
The traditions I had as a child are mostly long gone. And while that makes me sad, I know that it is leaving room in my life for new traditions to be started with my own family.
While some traditions still hold, like our cookie frosting party at my granny’s house, opening presents at my parents on Christmas morning, and then driving to Granny’s once again to eat a huge breakfast and open presents there, many traditions have stopped. Because so many have stopped, I feel a bit of an empty space that needs filled.
So, I’d like for all of you to share a tradition of yours with me! I want to hear about how other families celebrate the holidays, and open our home to new things.
My page here is a non-judgmental place. I welcome any and all people, beliefs, religions, traditions and celebrations (as long as they are not harmful of course).
I love learning and being able to glimpse into the cultures of others. So please, if you can, share a bit your holidays with me and my family. I’d be honored to read all about them.
The smooth, warm smell of a vanilla candle yanks me back through time.
Those have been my favorite candles for as long as I can remember, because amidst the trauma of my upbringing, that smell was sweet and comforting.
The pungent scent of a juniper shrub, it reminds me of the many apartments we lived in. Seems like very complex had them.
The taste of cinnamon buttered toast reminds me of a small but significant bond between my father and I. Something we both enjoyed together.
A large mug filled with hot earl grey, or constant comment tea and milk, reminds me of calm movie nights with my mom. Where stress of being yelled at would temporarily melt away with each sip. Bringing warmth to my sensitive soul.
The sound of metal jingling from our dog’s collar, always brought a smile to my face, knowing she was near. Now that she’s gone, it brings a bit of sadness to the memory.
And the sight of Christmas decorations… reminds me of all the holiday cheer our house held, even if no one was happy. The joy of waking up and turning on the tree lights each morning, moving the little Christmas mouse in the countdown to Santa calendar, a feeling I’ll never forget.
It’s amazing how a simple smell, sound, sight or touch, can bring you rushing back to when you were a child. For a moment your soul teleported into the past, the memory brought to life once again.
Sometimes I find myself struggling to remember, “where have I smelled this scent before?? I remember it from when I was a kid.” Sometimes you just can’t place the sense in your timeline.
These little glimpses to the past have shaped my life. I still hunt for a true vanilla candle, I still have a dislike for the smell of juniper shrubs, I still eat cinnamon toast and drink a large mug of tea when I need to warm my heart. Each time I hear the jingle of dog tags I am reminded of home and I still decorate for Christmas, turn on the tree each morning and have my son help me do the countdown to Santa.
The little things in life are never lost on me, and I never take them for granted. They are some of my most treasured memories.
Have a wonderful weekend my friends, treasure the little things.
I haven’t posted one in a while because, well, life has been a roller coaster.
So today, I want to share a few of the songs that have been playing in my house recently.
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Now I’ll start off by saying, that P!nk is by far one of my favorite artists and vocalists. She will always be a staple in my music.
Honestly if I’m not listening to my pandora radio with music from the 30’s-50’s, you could almost bet money that I’m listening to P!nk.
I think I’ll dedicate an entire post on her and her career. But for today, I want to just share with you a few of her songs that hit me in the feels this weekend.
I’d argue that these 3 songs are not widely known unless you’re an avid listener to her music. The Funhouse album has to be one of my absolute favorites of hers! I listened to a few of the songs SO much, that the cd stopped working on those tracks. I don’t believe you, was one of them. I will share All of my P!nk favorites in the dedicated post to her.
I hope you enjoy these tracks from 3 different albums.
I can only hope you’re using yours too, because the warmth in my hands feels like a hug.
Gosh were those snug.
~A
I lost my best friend in 2015. He took his own life at 19 years old. I am incredibly thankful that I was able to reconnect after we split up two years beforehand. He brought me out a dark place, and he showed me that there was more to life. His laughter was contagious, and thinking of it now brings a smile to my face. He was the kindest and sweetest guy, no one knew the horrors of his mind under the surface. I still “talk” to him. Hoping that he hears me, when I tell him about the shitshows in my life or my new favorite song I wish I could share.
The reference to the coffee mug is because I bought us matching hand thrown stoneware mugs, so that when he left to work in a different state, we could still have our morning coffees together like we did every morning before he graduated.
And while we didn’t work out as a couple, I’m so so happy that he was always, and always will be, my best friend. There was never a dull moment with him, and there was always comfort in his presence, for me and our group of misfits.
My life would have been much darker without him in it, thank you for being my guardian angel, Skyler.
I stand here in my kitchen today slowly but surely getting Thanksgiving food prepared. The turkey is in the oven smothered and stuffed with butter and herbs, and the rolls are sitting out rising, awaiting their turn to be baked.
Next comes the pie, I can’t wait for that. Pumpkin pie has always been my favorite.
And while I’m happy right now and thankful for my family, I will say that this holiday, like most others, has already taken its mental toll. My kids father decided that last night was the night to pick a huge fight, which again has him questioning whether he should leave or not. I told him to just go. I’m tired of the fighting and the disrespect towards me and my person.
He did not leave however. And another bout of arguing happened this morning. I won’t get into the details, but I just want to let you know, that if you’re also struggling with family or a spouse during the holidays, you can still enjoy the day. Set your attention on the good parts of the day. Like the smell of the yummy food, the smiles of the kids faces and the sound of their laughter.
It’s difficult to love the holidays as I used to, but someday I hope that I will find that joy again in full force. Not just for my kids sake, but for mine as well. We all deserve to feel the warmth and love that the holidays are meant to bring. Let’s make a point to find it, and let it in, regardless of the assholes that try to ruin it.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends!
And if you don’t celebrate, I hope you still have a happy Thursday!
I am beyond thankful for all of you today, and for all of your support, the community I’ve found here and the freedom it’s given me to find myself. Thank you.
