Expression through poetry
This poem won’t be for everyone, it’s a bit of a hard hitter so… trigger warning (SA) is implied.
Each night when I lay my head down,
I am reminded of the nightmares.
Not the ones while I slept
But the ones while my eyes were open… staring at the ceiling
Where minutes felt like hours
Face stained with trails of salt that left puddles on my pillow.
If I could, I’d set it ablaze and hope the memories fade.
~A
As I stared into the pools of amber and rust, I felt the world slow down
The voices quieted
And solace settled in.
The unseen hands weaving together the fabrics of fate
And all at once a spark ignited the dormancy in my soul and said
Exactly right there. This is it
~A
Windows down, in the passenger seat,
The warm city wind rushing over my skin
Eyes close to soak in the feeling.
Looking up at the night sky, the street lights and cars took place of the stars
Speeding too fast, your eyes on me as you leaned over
“Kiss me.”
What if I told you, that some days, I am not ok?
That sometimes I trip, and fall into an abyss of disarray
That all I need to know, is that you won’t run away
That the feelings in my head won’t stay
That all I want is a tight embrace
One that holds me firm and shows me that I’m safe.
And will you hold on long enough, so I don’t have to be afraid?
With eyes closed I stand still
I let the water fall to my hands
It’s warmth is the first thing I notice
The steam in my lungs as I breathe deeply
The tickle of each stream as it hits my skin
The way it pools in my palms before it snakes around my fingers
My heartbeat slowed, I open my eyes
Letting out a sigh…
Is this relief?
Or am I still standing on the edge waiting for that hand to wrench me back down into the spiral?
~A
I am Vengeance in all her subtlety
I walk through the fires with a flame of my own
Head held high
A smile on my lips
As I stare into the void and laugh.
“I dare you.”
~A
I found a little piece of myself with you.
Your arms kept me safe from sorrow
Your hands kept me steady
And while your smile gave me hope for a better tomorrow
Your existence made me see,
That love doesn’t have to feel so heavy.
~A
I rise and fall with the water
Pushed and pulled by the tide
And when the waves come crashing down around me I struggle against the pressure
The weight bearing down, I struggle to breathe
And just as the promise of tomorrow starts to fade
I gasp for air and feel the warmth of the sun caressing my face
And there it was
A light in the darkness that consumed me
A sadness so palpable it enveloped the space around me
Yet this light found a way through that darkness
Knew how to navigate the emptiness because he himself lived in it.
That light pulled me to the surface
Opened my eyes and let me see hope, beauty and love when I thought it never existed
Spent all that energy to save me instead of himself
For that darkness took hold of him when he left
And my light was too far away to lead him out.
A thank you to my best friend who is now spirit side. I jumped into a rabbit hole of a past that I never truly processed of grieved, but I was happily reminded of all the beautiful memories we had together.
Leading up to Valentine’s Day, I will be writing about the love that was shared between us because even though he’s been gone for 9 years, I want to memorialize all the love and kindness that he was.
This poem was of course a little bit dark, but true nonetheless, and still a testament to how caring he was to those around him.
~A
There once was a girl in need of a heart
For who would she be if she had nothing to give?
She searched and searched
High and low, so, so low
She thought she had found one a time or two
But they never quite fit.
She found one in a dark corner, lit by the embers of a cigarette.
She felt like it was real, and when ripped away, she was left with a hole in her chest once again.
She then found one that practically forced its way in, and she was happy. But that heart left her too when it stopped beating.
Now, she has realized, she didn’t need to find a heart at all, she just needed the ability to see that she already had one, and it just needed to know it was safe to come out and play.
Her chest was a warzone, but now it was a fortress, with walls strong enough to be safe,
A door to let the right ones in,
And windows to watch the beautiful world around her without fear.
~A
Ink & Embers