I felt it
The shift in the universe when you walked through the door.
I felt it again with a glance my way,
Again with a touch,
And again with a dream.
I feel it all once more, through memories,
As I patiently wait for that shift, again.
~A
Again
Long enough
What if I told you, that some days, I am not ok?
That sometimes I trip, and fall into an abyss of disarray
That all I need to know, is that you won’t run away
That the feelings in my head won’t stay
That all I want is a tight embrace
One that holds me firm and shows me that I’m safe.
And will you hold on long enough, so I don’t have to be afraid?
Panic
With eyes closed I stand still
I let the water fall to my hands
It’s warmth is the first thing I notice
The steam in my lungs as I breathe deeply
The tickle of each stream as it hits my skin
The way it pools in my palms before it snakes around my fingers
My heartbeat slowed, I open my eyes
Letting out a sigh…
Is this relief?
Or am I still standing on the edge waiting for that hand to wrench me back down into the spiral?
~A
Not yet
I met you in a dream once
Dancing amongst the crowd, you pulled me near
But instead of what I expected, you said
“Not yet, dear. It’s not time.”
And before I could respond, you twirled me away
And vanished.
~A
Just words
In the chill of winter
Your words felt like summer on my skin
A distant caress of something…unknown
They are just words
At least, that’s what I told myself
But maybe those words were more
Maybe they were true
And maybe that truth sparked a feeling I had once pushed away.
~A
Subtle
I am Vengeance in all her subtlety
I walk through the fires with a flame of my own
Head held high
A smile on my lips
As I stare into the void and laugh.
“I dare you.”
~A
Possibly
I laughed.
When shown kindness and care, I laughed.
Because it must be a lie.
How could it possibly be true?
And then I almost cried…
Could it possibly be true?
~A
Steady
I found a little piece of myself with you.
Your arms kept me safe from sorrow
Your hands kept me steady
And while your smile gave me hope for a better tomorrow
Your existence made me see,
That love doesn’t have to feel so heavy.
~A
Waters of life
I rise and fall with the water
Pushed and pulled by the tide
And when the waves come crashing down around me I struggle against the pressure
The weight bearing down, I struggle to breathe
And just as the promise of tomorrow starts to fade
I gasp for air and feel the warmth of the sun caressing my face
Leading the way
And there it was
A light in the darkness that consumed me
A sadness so palpable it enveloped the space around me
Yet this light found a way through that darkness
Knew how to navigate the emptiness because he himself lived in it.
That light pulled me to the surface
Opened my eyes and let me see hope, beauty and love when I thought it never existed
Spent all that energy to save me instead of himself
For that darkness took hold of him when he left
And my light was too far away to lead him out.
A thank you to my best friend who is now spirit side. I jumped into a rabbit hole of a past that I never truly processed of grieved, but I was happily reminded of all the beautiful memories we had together.
Leading up to Valentine’s Day, I will be writing about the love that was shared between us because even though he’s been gone for 9 years, I want to memorialize all the love and kindness that he was.
This poem was of course a little bit dark, but true nonetheless, and still a testament to how caring he was to those around him.
~A
Ink & Embers 