I’ve been absent for a while. Story time.

This is a bit different than my “normal” stuff, but I wanted to post a little life update for anyone who cares to read it.

Judging by my poetry I’m sure you’ve gathered that my relationship has been rocky at best. Well I’m going to share a bit about the recent goings on so you can get an understanding as to why I haven’t been around.

I recently started speaking to a therapist because of my horrible anxiety and because I was told (by my kids’ pediatrician) that I needed someone to talk to about my relationship.

In a nutshell, I’ve been living with an alcoholic, covert narcissist. I will spare you all of the details but in short, there has been a lot of manipulation, coercion, gaslighting and verbal abuse. Now none of this is new. I just was young (19) and naive about what a healthy relationship was. I made countless excuses for him and his behavior. Rose colored glasses and all that.

I convinced myself that he only treated me that way because he was drunk. I believed that if he loved me enough he would stop drinking and we would be happy.

Fast forward to now, I stopped making excuses, I quit hiding and covering up his actions and behaviors towards me, and I stopped allowing myself to be manipulated by him. I understand what is happening now and I won’t fall for anymore of his “traps” or guilt trips. Now, me doing this, and setting boundaries (and keeping firm on those boundaries) has caused a wild uptick in nasty behaviors and words.

I relayed some of what had been said a couple months ago, and my therapist had to report it. People showed up at my door handing me numbers to call for a domestic violence hotline.

After years of keeping secrets, my family is now aware of the situation as well. I’m in the process of figuring out my next steps, to get the kids and I to a happy and peaceful place in our lives.

Needless to say, I have been way beyond stressed and exhausted with all this and everything else going on. But there is a short version of why I haven’t been posting, commenting, or interacting with anyone on their blogs or my own.

I fully intend to get back into it here soon!

My next post is going to be a happy and then sad story about my backyard chickens!

Bye for now!

~A