Allowed

Posted byALEXANDRA GRIFFITHSPosted inwritingTags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Day-lilies sprouting in late February in eastern Oregon.

I allowed myself to feel comfort

And I cried.

I cried in a way that I don’t understand

But I allowed myself to feel it.

The comforting warmth of my son sleeping next to me, cozy in his blankets, his favorite stuffed seal in his hands

I felt my body try to relax the tiniest bit,

A wave of overwhelm took me by surprise

And it made me realize once again,

That I don’t know what comfort truly feels like

My body doesn’t know how to relax

I’ve been deprived of safety and love

Living my whole life in fight or flight, a state of constant survival.

Teaching myself what comfort is, what safety is,

It feels like a lie.

This road is a long one,

But sometimes the most difficult path is the one worth taking.

6 thoughts on “Allowed”

  1. Very true! Allowing yourself you to relax and feel comfortable or even happy, does seem like the hardest task. But only if we do that, we can give our full potential to make others feel that way!

    Also, the fact that your son sleeps with a plushy seal, gave me a huge smile.
    I am all about water animals and seals are just so fun to watch! 😄

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    1. So true!! And he has two tiny plushies, on is a seal and one is an elephant, he’s had them since before he was born! Recently he’s been asking for his seal at night and it’s extra sweet to me because his name in Celtic literally means little seal!! 🦭

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      1. Looove both animals.
        Female elephants are such a strong and carrying team and making sure the little on is alright. And baby elephants are just the cutest, happiest creatures on earth.

        What a beautiful meaning of his name!

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      2. Elephants are amazing!!

        And yes! The name Ronan comes from a neat little legend about a seal that swam too close to shore and was then trapped in human form. She married a fisherman and had two children called Ronans “little seals”. She never lost her longing for the water, one day she found her “seal skin” that her husband has tucked away, and she slipped back to the water. She loved her family though so it is said she stayed close by the shore to watch over them.

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  2. Those moments of cuddling our children when they are sleeping in our arms is the best feeling in the world. My boys are too old for that now, but I’m sure happy that I have the memories of it. Being present in those moments is so important and powerful.

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