Self-worth; what is it?

I am often at war with myself. Feeling as though I don’t deserve, that what I feel I deserve, is just a want.

I don’t deserve to be loved. I just want to be loved.

Or I don’t deserve respect from others, I just want it, and wish I had it.

I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way. And what a terrible feeling it is. Because even though I have these thoughts, there is also a part of me that says, “Yes, you do deserve love, you do deserve respect! Quit settling for less than you DESERVE!”

The unfortunate part of all of this, is that my brain was “trained” to feel so negatively about myself. I was spoken down to as a child, as a teen, and as an adult, by people who were supposed to be looked up at.

Taught to show and give respect, even if I never received it, or even when being shown disrespect.

I’ve worked very hard to acknowledge when I’m having thoughts of worthlessness. I know I’m lying to myself when I think negatively in that aspect, because I tend to cry harder at that thought, than I was at the true cause of my sadness.

It’s hard to tell myself that I am not worthy, but it is even harder for me to admit that, yes, I am worthy of love, and respect.

It’s difficult to change the way we think, but it’s worth it. You are worth it. Acknowledge those bad thoughts, and tell yourself to stop lying to yourself. Self-worth is not a measurement, but it is a tremendous feeling. So take care of yourself, and remember to allow yourself to feel loved.

~A