Luck must be around me in some form because a couple of cool things have happened! First off my garden is really taking off and I am so excited, it’s my first real garden since I lived with my parents (which has been a while!) and we were gifted a bunch of extra plants so I had to make a second garden space just for the new plants!
My garden bed (don’t mind the crazy morning glory over growth…I have to see it out constantly)The L shaped dirt space is where I had to start my second garden spot (squash along the wood fence, tomatoes in front of them, and raspberry bushes along the wire fence) ((raspberries were there first))
Now don’t go criticizing my placement of plants, I am not expert and I wasn’t expecting more plants so I had to improvise!
But I’m the garden box I made, I had noticed a small squash plant growing voluntarily! I have identified it ( I think) as a pumpkin plant! I need to transplant him of course because he’s in a bad spot.
Mystery squash (possibly pumpkin)
Second lucky thing.
Snake plant flower stalk
Have you ever seen a snake plant flower?? Well apparently it is pretty rare! In fact my granny, who has at least 5 pots of snake plants that are massive (over 3 feet tall) has never seen it, and no one I’ve talked to even knows that they can flower. This is my first snake plant, so to be able to see such an incredible and rare occurrence brings me joy!
It’s possible I may never see it again, but I really hope I can keep this plant happy enough to keep flowering, I will give y’all and updated picture when the flowers start blooming, and I’ll keep you informed as to how my garden gets along, including our voluntary mystery squash!!
Writing has always been a way for me to fully express how I feel. I get use unique ways to describe a feeling, an emotion. It’s always been a passion of mine, but I never fully allowed myself to do it, for fear of being judged, criticized. This blog has given me a freedom I never expected, and getting your feedback has been the cherry on top, so I want to say thank you to my followers of my ramblings.
I know that most of what I write ends up being a bit heavy, but such is life. Unfortunately some of us have had more darkness and weight on our backs than others, and that’s alright. I’ve learned a lot from it all. It’s take all my life so far, but I have more life to life, and a hell of a lot of experience to share.
Instead of thinking that I am undeserving of being treated kindly, instead of giving up on believing in real love, I have fully realized that I was not to blame for anyone’s negative behavior towards me. I was just caught in the line of fire because I was an easy target. Well not anymore! I give up trying to please others just because I’m loving. I give up trying to heal someone who just wants to disappear. And I give up on just taking the back seat, I’m the driver, I choose what I do. As cocky as this may sound (and I hate cocky) I know what’s best. For me, and for my children.
I’ve taken the initiative in almost everything now. And damn, does it feel good. It feels SO good to just do what needs done and not wait for someone else, when I know they won’t do it anyway.
I’ve started a business, it’s a baby but I’m going to make sure it grows. I will stand idly by no longer, because regardless of what I’m shown or told, I am strong, I am capable, I am talented, I am loving and I am NOT everyone’s punching bag.
So here’s to me *raises coffee mug to toast* taking life by the balls and finding my worth.
And a special toast to you, whatever battles you have going on in life, in your mind, you are strong, and you will overcome, in one way or another don’t let it get in your way.
Here’s a little sneak leak of things on my Etsy shop, and things to come. I’m designing more every day!
Tears have been rolling since yesterday. A very beloved family pet has passed away. I knew all day yesterday that this was the end. If he pulled through then it would be a miracle. I got on the floor with him and told him how much I loved him, gave him a kiss and told him if he needed to go, then he could.
Seeing a soul that you love so dearly fade is the hardest thing to watch. The only solace I have now is that he isn’t in pain anymore.
My boyfriend even loved him so much that he slept out on the living room floor with him until about 3am. He came to bed and I went out to see Rupert for the last time. He was in his preferred laying position (which he hadn’t done in a while) snuggled against a pillow. He passed away shortly after that I believe.
I woke up this morning with the baby and saw he wasn’t there anymore. “Rupert’s gone…” he said, fighting back tears. “I have him in a box with a towel on the porch, I didn’t want the boy to see him like that when he woke up.”
I went out to see him in his box. I stroked his soft fur to the last time, trying my best to memorize the feeling so I wouldn’t forget. I bawled, “I’m so so sorry…”
I picked a dandelion from the yard, they were all barely opening under the morning sun. I placed the flower next to him.
My boyfriend asked where I wanted to bury him.
“Up front under the tree, between the yuccas.”
And that’s exactly what he did. I went out to watch him be placed in his resting spot. I grabbed the flower that had been left in the box. I hadn’t noticed when I picked it, but this dandelion had two fully formed flowers on a single stem. They had fully opened in the box with my Rupert. It felt like a sign of sorts, and it was comforting.
He had battled with bouts of being unwell since he was brought to my doorstep last year. He’d been part of our family for a year and a half. And he brought so much light in, so much laughter, so many smiles. He stole our hearts. I had a feeling two days ago that maybe he’d pull through. The vet said it looked like a fractured jaw on the X-ray. But he went for a trip down our long hallway for the first time in many many months. And he stayed down by our bedroom that night. His last hoorah. Visiting the end of the house one last time. He knew he was leaving and wanted to see it again. It had given me hope, seeing him hop around the floors. But yesterday was the opposite of hopeful. It was sorrow. He lost all of his muscle mass, could hardly move without wobbling. And when he sat, it was slumped and unsteady.
He’s not in pain anymore. I just have to keep saying it. But damn it does this hurt. Today is a sad day. I guess it’s only fitting that it’s gloomy out.
Rupert laying near my cat Lewis Rupert saying hello to our baby girlThis was seconds after getting him, the day before Easter 2022. A girl brought him to my door. He was skin and bones then, much like he was at the end.Rupert in our drive way, 2 days before that girl caught him and we brought him into our lives.This was 3 days ago, I had to give him a bath because he couldn’t clean himself. Rabbits are incredibly clean animals.This was my boy snuggled with his stuffed animal just last night.
Thanks for reading and looking back at memories with me if you got this far…
Birthday card for my son’s upcoming birthday! (Foldable landscape)
Just wanted to share my new designs! This cute Dino birthday card is not available (yet) in my Etsy shop, I made it for my sons birthday that’s coming up! But all the ones I have below are available!
This week has been a bit hectic. We all got a cold (thanks to the little toddlers at my sons school!). Our pet rabbit is not seeming to do any better. We found out he fractured his jaw and he wasn’t eating hardly. Well now he can’t hardly clean himself and has lost so much weight that he is just skin and bone. I had to bathe him today again, he just drools so much he can’t keep up.
On a good note though my garden is doing good! And I just received and planted 4 raspberry starts this morning!
Life is a bit stressful right now for other reasons I didn’t state, but I do my absolute best nowadays to see the good and the happy in all my situations! My children (and even myself) deserve nothing less!
I just want to share more of the work I’ve been doing!
Planner I made for a friend, available in my Etsy shop.Wedding invite (front)Thank you card (foldable portrait)
I sit here on the couch with my son, my baby girl rolling around in her play pen.
Freshly brewed coffee in my hand, it’s warm. Comforting, like a warm embrace to your heart. I need that.
My mind is simultaneously racing, and unable to think. Migraines do that.
I have so many thoughts that are trying to overwhelm me. Like am I doing everything I should be?
Should I create more product, or am I wasting time because no one is interested in buying?
How will I provide for my children, and not have to leave them for work?
Should I keep writing my books? What if no one reads them?
Will we ever be able to have a real house? One that isn’t leaking, or falling apart and permanently covered in almost 50 years of someone else grime?
Will I ever be able to be loved? Or am I just not allowed that romance? And if so, why?
Should I start the dishes first or do laundry?
This is my mind lately, and for probably obvious reasons I didn’t put down every single thought. ( That would incredibly tedious to write down!)
Just remember that some days, your mind just runs wild, and there’s no controlling it. Don’t fight your feelings, just find ways to work around them if you need to!
I’ve been wanting to discuss this for a while but I couldn’t officially do it until today.
Today my 3 1/2 year old wonderful son, was diagnosed with Autism. He is moderate on the autism spectrum. That doesn’t change a single thing, except for the relief that we can now get him additional help if needed, much more easily! And he will forever be able to access those resources for help if he ever wants.
So all in all, what I’m saying, is that I am relieved to finally have that official diagnosis. It has been years traveling and traversing this winding road, we have finally arrived!
Being labeled with a condition
I have heard so many people say that they didn’t want to give a label to their condition. As if it was an embarrassment. But my mindset is different on that.
If anything, you should proudly acknowledge them. Because having a condition, like my son, or ones like myself (migraines, scoliosis, and endometriosis) means that you are an amazing fighter!!
You’ve gone through such obstacles and hurdles to be able to live, to have a life. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself for living life and doing things you love despite the pain, or difficulties.
I doesn’t matter what condition you may have, you are still stronger than ever, because you are here, despite the condition trying to hold you back or pin you down.
I don’t condone using your conditions as excuses for being lazy, or a bad person. But don’t be ashamed of yourself. Be incredibly proud of yourself for pushing through all the difficulties that you’ve endured. Others may not understand, but you are strong! And don’t you ever forget that!
I’ve been wanting to discuss this for a while but I couldn’t officially do it until today.
Today my 3 1/2 year old wonderful son, was diagnosed with Autism. He is moderate on the autism spectrum. That doesn’t change a single thing, except for the relief that we can now get him additional help if needed, much more easily! And he will forever be able to access those resources for help if he ever wants.
So all in all, what I’m saying, is that I am relieved to finally have that official diagnosis. It has been years traveling and traversing this winding road, we have finally arrived!
Being labeled with a condition
I have heard so many people say that they didn’t want to give a label to their condition. As if it was an embarrassment. But my mindset is different on that.
If anything, you should proudly acknowledge them. Because having a condition, like my son, or ones like myself (migraines, scoliosis, and endometriosis) means that you are an amazing fighter!!
You’ve gone through such obstacles and hurdles to be able to live, to have a life. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself for living life and doing things you love despite the pain, or difficulties.
I doesn’t matter what condition you may have, you are still stronger than ever, because you are here, despite the condition trying to hold you back or pin you down.
I don’t condone using your conditions as excuses for being lazy, or a bad person. But don’t be ashamed of yourself. Be incredibly proud of yourself for pushing through all the difficulties that you’ve endured. Others may not understand, but you are strong! And don’t you ever forget that!
Ink & Embers 