Just for shits and giggles, I’ve decided to somewhat embarrass myself by showing some of my past artwork!
I’m proud of a few and… well not proud of some others, But, that won’t stop me from doing it!
Sadly most of my art that I’ve done that I am proud of is gone, and I don’t have pictures of. Mind you, some of these are from 2012!
So without further ado, let’s begin the tour(?)!
Owl 2012Bison calf 2012Black horse 2013Sunflowers in ink 2015Reaching hands 2012Two wolves 2015Commissioned piece 2016Unfinished bear (drawn from a photo I took) 2017Dog 2016Wolf 2018Zebra mother and baby 2012Elephant 2018Leopard 2019Water buffalo 2018Woman in ribbon 1 2013Woman in ribbon 2 2020Female commander Shepard from Mass Effect (drawn from memory) 2020 (faces are not my forte…) Beyond the Walls book cover July 2023
Let me know if you’d like to see the even worse art I did a couple years ago on my instagram art page for Inktober! Definitely went out of my comfort zone but it felt good drawing everyday!
Inktober drawing challenge day 4 2020
I also dabbled in polymer clay earrings and key chains and pleather earrings as well as using my Cricut machine to make shirts, decals and mugs. Plus a resin pinecone that got so hot it almost probably exploded (it was smoking and burnt my hand when I touched it.
Anyway, give me some thoughts, feedback, let me know what was your favorite and if you’d like to see more random stuff like my photography and whatnot!
For anyone interested, my short poem book Words of the broken is now available on Amazon and kindle, you can tap the link above to head straight there! (this is not an affiliate link, I just want to share an accomplishment of mine with you!)
I’ll be the first to admit that, while yes this is my first book, i wish I had changed some things (again…) after reading my copy of the real thing. A lot of these are admittedly from the blog but have been changed and there are some poems in here that you haven’t seen here! I know now what to work on for the next books! (Don’t worry, chapter 3 of Beyond the walls will be ready soon!!)
Thanks for sticking around guys, you have no idea how wonderful it is to feel like I’m a part of something, and you (you know who you are) have made me feel so good about writing and have helped me accomplish my dreams of writing. I don’t feel as embarrassed to put my feelings to paper. And that is because of the support I get here. So thank you!
I just wanted to quickly jump on here and give you guys a book recommendation!
I was recently organizing some stuff in my house, trying to declutter and make things more accessible and cohesive.
Anyway I found some of my old books! (I don’t have a bookshelf unfortunately, so they were everywhere and anywhere)
My book for you guys today is called,
Into the Badlands
By Brian J. Jarrett
It’s been years since I read this book but I was a big fan! It’s not super long, and it’s an easy smooth read. I was hooked! I read it fairly quickly (this was before I had kids!)
So if any of you like post apocalyptic stories, this is a fantastic read!
(Little disclaimer here, there is a pretty uncomfortable rape scene…)
SPOILER!!
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(The outcome of that situation leaves you a bit speechless and wanna yell “F*** yeah!”)
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All in all, fantastic book, will certainly read it again! It was a well received birthday gift that I still appreciate to this day, 8 years later!
Let me know if you read it or if you have already!
I think I’ll do a few more book recommendation posts here in the future if y’all are up for it!
The baker’s funeral. My father had to have his assistant speak, he had a hard time composing himself after losing such a wonderful, long time friend. There weren’t many people at the service, Bakir’s family was all gone, and other than my father, he had very few friends. Many of the towns people did not like outsiders, and Bakir was from a different place that no one here has ever heard of.
He used to tell me stories of his homeland, he made it sound so beautiful and warm. He said the sun was always shining, and there was always a comfortable warm breeze at night to cradle you to sleep. I’m not sure why he decided to move here, this place was almost always dark and wet. Only a few months of the year were sunny, and even then there were high winds and cold nights.
Bakir never spoke of why he left his home, and I never asked again after he teared up and couldn’t find the words to say. “It’s ok Bakir, you don’t have to say anything.” I told him. I could tell he had wanted to, but just wasn’t able to talk about it.
“He was the most genuine man I have ever met.” said my father. We sat on our front stairs to our house, the funeral just ending. “I know father, I’m so sorry that he’s gone.” I hesitated to ask this question but… “Why didn’t he come back? He was always reminding everyone to stay inside and warning newcomers about the dangers. He always came back well before the sun even started setting, being extra careful that he was home in time.”
”I don’t know son. But….” Father had a sad but disturbed look on his face.
“What father, was something wrong?” I asked concerned, my father was always so sure and confident, but at this moment he was clearly not.
“… The baker- uh, Bakir. He said something the other day, I didn’t think anything of it until now. He told me he had spoken to his wife and that she couldn’t wait to be with him. I brushed it off because he had just walked down from the chapel, so I assumed that he had been praying and telling his wife how much he missed her. He did that everyday he said since she passed. ”
“Wait, you mean He couldn’t wait to be with Her. Right?”
”No, son. That’s why I just thought it was odd. He said She spoke to Him. But the dead don’t just speak to us like that, they can’t. I think… maybe… there may be some darkness at play here.” My father jumped up quickly. “I need to close the chapel. Find your mother, tell her what I’m doing just in case I do not return soon.”
“Yes father.” I said, I knew he needed time to grieve alone.
Mama and I waited for quite some time for father to come home. Dinner had been ready and waiting for him, our plates already empty, mamma asked me to go get father before his food got any colder. The sun was starting to get low in the sky, just cresting the top of the trees, as I walked out the door.
The streets were bare, everyone was settling in for the night, only a few stragglers left. Kye seemed on edge, but I’m sure he could sense the sadness in the air. We made it to the chapel, I knew father would be near the alters. But to my surprise he was not, I called for him but there was no answer. So carefully and quietly I tiptoed towards the back supply room, ”Father?” I whisperd. Still no reply. Thoughts raced in my head of the worst possible outcomes, but I suppressed those thoughts quickly. There was no need to panic. Not yet anyway.
I heard a grumbling sound, and at first it scared me but then I realized that it was the familiar sound of father snoring. He had fallen asleep. I followed the low grumble, Kye in tow, and found father curled up on one of the church pews. Grasping on to what looked like a letter.
“Father… Father!” I shook his arm lightly and he awoke.
“Son! Oh my, what time is it? Your mother must be upset with me, have I missed dinner?” he said quickly.
“No father that’s why I’m here, your dinner is getting cold, mama wanted to make sure you ate.”
”Well then lets go son,” glancing out a small window, “before the sun sets.”
We walked out into the street and it was almost too dark for comfort.
”We must hurry, I don’t want to be out this late. Your mother is waiting.”
Stepping briskly we made our way down the cobblestone street. But as we passed the Bakers shop we heard what sounded like Bakir’s voice calling my fathers name. Fathers pace quickened but he didn’t say a word. Kye made a growl in the direction of the voice, his hair stood up slightly. I could see home, a candle lit in the window was a welcoming sight. But just as soon as that feeling came, it vanished. There was the voice again, but louder, more aggressive. “Jasper?! Jasper! Hello? Let me in!”
”Bakir?” father said, his voice faltered. He froze, staring at the front gates. Slowly father walked toward the gates. Kye let out a piercing bark, but father didn’t even flinch. Mother opened the door, ”Jasper, what are you doing??”
“Bakir, is that really you?” Father asked
“Jasper!? Come open this gate, I need in, my wife…”
Father seemed to snap out of his weird trance when he realized what the voice had said. Bakir’s wife had been gone since before he came to this place. Father took a step back, ”Get in the house,” he said to me, “Now.” In a panic he ran back towards the house as mama grabbed me and took me inside. Kye didn’t move. He stood guard until father was in the door. He let out an ethereal howl, I could feel it in my bones, in my soul. It rattled the walls with an almost soothing vibration. I heard an unnatural groan from the creature outside the gate. And then it was gone. A sense of relief hugged me, and Kye came back in the house, but he looked exhausted.
Nuzzling each of us, Kye checked to make sure we were all present and safe before laying in front of the door. We were present, but things definitely didn’t feel safe. Goosebumps riddled my skin, all hair felt as if there was static in the room.
“What was that?…” I asked quietly, the room was stagnant with silence.
Fathers blank expression, he looked at me with teary eyes, “I don’t know Finn…”
“Jasper, I don’t understand, what’s going on??” Mothers voice was panicked, but father couldn’t find the words.
“Mama, something out there, was talking to father. It sounded like Bakir… it was just outside the gate, but… we also heard it by his house. Whatever it was, wanted father to let it in, said something about his wife.”
“His wife?” Mamas tone seems confused.
“Bakir told me that his wife was taken by bandits about eleven summers ago. But never could say more than that.”
“That’s right,” father said, his voice a somber tone, “he tracked the bandits that took her. When he finally caught up to them…” father trailed off, “the sands swallowed them, Bakir wasn’t fast enough to get his wife out, the sand almost swallowed him too. He always said he wished that it had so that he could still be with her.”
Silence grabbed the room again, Kye letting out a sigh as if he understood, and laid his he’d down on the wooden doorstep.
“Father?”
“Yes, Finn?” Fathers eyes staring emptily at the stone floor.
“You said earlier, that, Bakir heard his wife speak to him, that she couldn’t wait to be with him… do you think the voice outside the gate did that?”
Father looked up at me slowly, the thought processing in his mind.
“Son, I think you might just be right.”
Mamas voice sounded like silk, even when in distress, her Grantin ancestry was the reason for that, “But…why? What could it be? What could it want? None of this makes any sense……Jasper?”
Mama always told me stories. ‘Don’t leave the walls if you’re alone, don’t go out at night, and always watch out for strange people.’ I was never really sure what stories I should believe though, because just this morning she said if I didn’t eat my breakfast, a tiny troll would come and steal all our food and we would never eat again. I knew that story wasn’t true, but I ate my breakfast anyway just in case.
Our small town was quite this morning as I walked the streets, it normally is unless there’s a festival or some one is up on the headsman’s block. My stroll through town each day was always the same, from our home near the gates, past the blacksmith and the inn, and up the hill to the baker’s house next to the cemetery where I visit my father. He works there, taking care of the dead and making burial arrangements. But today was different. The baker’s house was dark and the door closed, he wasn’t there. I decided to walk over to ask my father what had happened, I knew mama would be a little upset that we wouldn’t have our bread for the day.
“He went out before the sun and never returned.” father said in a sad tone. The baker and him were great friends. “That’s why we always tell you not to leave the walls in the dark, especially alone.”
”But why? You have never told me why. What is out there?” I asked, slightly annoyed but also a little worried.
“We don’t know, no one has ever seen it and lived. Well except for the ol’ innkeeper’s father. He somehow managed to crawl his way back to the gates as the sun was rising. Some guards say they saw a large shadowed figure dash through the trees, but they couldn’t agree on what it looked like. Anyway,” he rambled, ” the innkeeper’s father said it was a huge black beast like nothing he had ever seen. It had branches sticking out from its skull. But he said that it never hurt him, it had saved him. He died before he could explain more, but I think maybe he was just delusional from all the trauma and pain he had endured.”
”So there is more than one monster in the woods?” I asked a bit shaken
”Why don’t you head on home son, tell your mother that we will have to make our own bread for a while. And get your filthy dog off of the linens, I burry folk in those and I’m sure they don’t want to be buried with dog hair.”
Kye, my big bull of a dog was my only real friend. There weren’t many other children in town, at least not of my age. So when I was younger my mother got me a pup that she found while gathering herbs outside the walls one afternoon.
My father was not happy, he thought dogs and pets in general were dirty and he didn’t want to be that house in town that stunk of pet. But mama convinced him it would be a good thing, and he allowed me to keep him, under the condition that I cleaned up after every little hair that dropped to the floor. And to the best of my abilities, I did just that. I realize now that father wasn’t worried about the mess of having a pet, he was afraid that the dog was possibly one of the woods many mysterious creatures.
He was right to think that. Kye was massive, bigger than any ‘dog’ anyone had ever seen. His green eyes were as bright and stark as a perfectly polished emerald stone, and his howl gave a sharp chill to your bones. But he protected me whole-heartedly since day one, and I haven’t had the night terrors since.
The nightmares had always been there, and scarcely have I ever had a good dream, maybe 3 my whole life. I don’t know what the cause was but once I had Kye, they just stopped. I know it’s something he is actively doing while I sleep, fighting off my dreams, because one night he slept outside after my father got upset that he had eaten off the table. I could hear him barking in my sleep, like he was trying to wake me, but the dream was too strong, or he was too far away to help.
I was asleep but I knew I was dreaming and it felt as though I was awake and moving, just not in my body. Kye’s bark resonated in the dream like a distant but loud echo. The closer I got to the trees, the louder and more frantic the barking got. I was almost in the forest, I could see a shadowy figure beckoning me in. Just as I reached out to touch the shadowy hand I was jerked awake by a hand behind me. I really was near the forest edge, in the dark, outside the walls. My mother crying, she picked me up and ran as fast as she could back to the gates. My father in tow with his sword in hand. I could still hear Kye barking and howling in the towns walls. When we walked through the gates, everyone was awake and in the street to see what was happening. No one knew how I had gotten there. The guards never saw me and never opened the gates. They say I just appeared in the open field near the trees, and that they only realized it was me because of my dogs behavior. My father, ever since that night, has said to never leave my dogs side, to always keep him as close as possible at all costs.
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This is chapter one of a fantasy thriller/horror story I started a couple years ago. I’m going to be working on it again because this story is one I’ve had lodged in my brain for as long as I can remember!
Let me know your thoughts and if you’d like me to continue posting more as I go along!
Waking from a nightmare to be thrown into a revolving door amongst wishes, only to be caught, unable to escape the relentless spinning.
I remember too much, too young. It must have been a dream right?
Cigarette burns on my youth skin and in my lungs.
Locked in a room for days at 4 years past.
I’ve been starved of everything you can imagine; life, love, happiness and food.
And safety.
The roller coaster picked me up, excited squeals turn to sobbing on the descent. The tracks rumble and shake, the safety harness not tight enough, or tight at all, a mirage. The yells of the wheels keep me terrified, petrified, trapped.
This must have been a nightmare, there’s no way this was real. An unending ride that slows and gives hope that it’s the end, only to be dropped. The fleeting happy faces of people on the ground, unaware of the fear, the sadness. Mistaking my cries for help for laughter.
Finding a way off is a relief. But I’ve forgotten what solid ground felt like, or have I ever known?
Stumbling through a circus, dazed and confused, clowns at every turn trying to take advantage of me. And some succeeding.
The circus becomes a dark room, no exit in sight. Feeling the crushing weight of darkness, and my soul leaving my body, the intrusion too much to bear.
The dark room melts away, but a shadow hangs over everything. Vision clouded by the numbness, now this must certainly have been a dream.
What must I have done to be tortured so? To live a waking nightmare just to sleep and let the nightmares of my mind take over.
My life feels like a dream until I wake to see my children’s beautiful smiles, and they wake my soul to feel light of the morning sun on my face, I am reminded that this is real, that my past was real, that I have been broken.
And I can and will, repair the damage others have left.
I looked at my babies playing today, and I teared up.
It hit me in that moment how much they have grown.
My son just turned 4 years old, and my daughter will be 1 in just a months time.
I got emotional, because I’m so happy to see them grow and watch them change into these sweet little humans. To see them grow up is so bitter sweet, because they just grow up too fast.
Stages of life fly past so quickly, I wasn’t ready for it. At the same time, I’m so excited to see them progress and become more and more them.
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There have been so many positives and ups this past month, but there have also been some pretty big downs. There’s been sadness, fighting, and so many unknowns in my relationship, and financials.
I’m very unsure of how I’m coping with everything but I know it is largely because I’m watching how amazing my babies are.
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My business ventures are at a standstill, but I’m still trying, I want this to work so badly and I won’t give up on that dream, not again.
I’m about 72hours my poem book Words of the broken will be live on Amazon kindle and hopefully paperback as well. I tried this once already this week and after it went live, the pages didn’t show up. So after a full day and half of fixing things, it should be all good! Fingers crossed!
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I hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead. Life can feel so difficult, but there is always a reason to be hopeful.
P.s. this was just a random thought I had and I just ran with it! This wasn’t directed at any specific thing so you can imagine the field of roses is anything from Reality TV stars to maybe real people that you know. The interpretation, as always, is up to you.