Would you be proud?

You’ve been gone,

A lot has happened after so long.

Would you be proud of me?

Maybe not of my choices in life,

But of the strength I have, to endure the strife.

Do you ever check in?

Is there a frown on your face, or a grin?

I’ve missed you,

Especially on the days with a dreary view.

I hope you can forgive me.

I cried, yelled and screamed.

I was angry that you left,

But I know you felt it was best.

I’ll cherish my fond memories

Especially the morning you made me coffee.

No one had ever done that before,

You showed me a love that went to my core.

I think of you every time I drink from this mug.

I can only hope you’re using yours too, because the warmth in my hands feels like a hug.

Gosh were those snug.

~A

I lost my best friend in 2015. He took his own life at 19 years old. I am incredibly thankful that I was able to reconnect after we split up two years beforehand. He brought me out a dark place, and he showed me that there was more to life. His laughter was contagious, and thinking of it now brings a smile to my face. He was the kindest and sweetest guy, no one knew the horrors of his mind under the surface. I still “talk” to him. Hoping that he hears me, when I tell him about the shitshows in my life or my new favorite song I wish I could share.

The reference to the coffee mug is because I bought us matching hand thrown stoneware mugs, so that when he left to work in a different state, we could still have our morning coffees together like we did every morning before he graduated.

And while we didn’t work out as a couple, I’m so so happy that he was always, and always will be, my best friend. There was never a dull moment with him, and there was always comfort in his presence, for me and our group of misfits.

My life would have been much darker without him in it, thank you for being my guardian angel, Skyler.