So the other day I was told that I had a more “free ranging parenting style”. Well for a minute I did feel a bit offended to be honest with you.
I’d heard of such parenting and I didn’t agree or like it; no bed times, no being careful, not much parental supervision, if any, and I didn’t like that at all. Children need stability and some boundaries but most importantly to me, they need to be watched…
Anyway, I went home that day and I looked it up. “What is free range parenting”
Well, basically what I just described above but not quite so drastic. So here is what the wiki said:
“Free-range parenting is the concept of raising children in the spirit of encouraging them to function independently and with limited parental supervision, in accordance with their age of development and with a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks. It is seen as the opposite of helicopter parenting”
While going down a short rabbit hole on this I stumbled across something that said there were 4 main parenting styles.
- Permissive -free range, overindulges to avoid conflict with child
- Authoritative – problem solves with child, clear expectations and rules, open communication
- Neglectful – this one speaks for itself…
- And Authoritarian – overly strict and punishing, no consideration for the child as a person, one way communication (the adults)
No reading that made me realize that I am more so in the authoritative group, I work with my children, and I listen, there are boundaries but I also allow for them to make mistakes to learn for themselves. I’d say this is where the “gentle parenting” people sit as well. And honestly this is the group you want to be in!
I was a child of neglect and abuse, and I’ll tell you first hand, while I’m a fine functioning adult, I have some battles in life that could have easily been avoided, had I been in an authoritative parenting household.
Sadly not everyone has the mental ability to treat their children this way and that breaks my heart. But it is sooo very common. And it’s something I can’t even fathom. Being so carefree that you are protecting you child and giving necessary guidance, pretending your child isn’t even there and ignoring their existence, or being so damn strict and power hungry that you ruin every semblance of happiness your child deserves… all of them make me sick to my stomach.
So while I’ve been called a helicopter parent and now recently a free range parent, I wouldn’t ever change the way that I have looked after my babies. I give them the space and freedoms to be happy and independent, while also feeling safe to run to me when needed or wanted. I helicopter parent from a distance to make sure my autistic son is safe while also allowing him to feel calm and free to play.
I’m a calm parent, we don’t have set schedules for every minute of the day, most of our time is free play and it’s usually productive, but it isn’t forced. Force makes everyone haul ass backwards, so why would it be any different with your child?
We have set bedtime, we wake up and go to school on a schedule, we have appointments regularly, but I do not force my kids to adhere to a set schedule of, you brush your teeth at exactly this time, you eat at this exact time, you only play with this toy for x amount of minutes. No. Your child needs to learn how to manage themselves when there is nothing to do. They need to figure out how to occupy their time, or else when they grow up and move out, they won’t know what to do, they will get bored and anxious that you aren’t setting up their whole day.
There’s my two cents.
Have a lovely day friends, and remember to just love your kids and make them smile and laugh. That’s what life is about. It’s not a job, it’s not a game. Smile, play, eat, be happy and loving.
~A
Ink & Embers 